


Disenchanted

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Post-TROS Fics [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Solo Lives, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Past Character Death Being Snap, Past Torture, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Soft Ben Solo, implied PTSD, minor Snap/Karé
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe and Ben grieve Snap together.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Post-TROS Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175555
Kudos: 1
Collections: Allbingo, Bad Day Collection





	Disenchanted

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Parting From A Friend 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title from the MCR song of the same name. I just figured poor Snap needed some proper grieving.

It’s been something since Ben returned. The Resistance has mixed feelings; Rey’s vouched for him saving her life and trying to fight against Palpatine, and even Finn acknowledged that Ben did the right thing in the end (if only for Rey), but Poe knows quite a few of them don’t trust him. They can’t try him; the Republic’s been all but decimated and they can’t have a proper trial. And Poe doesn’t know how impartial he can be.   
  
The best he can do is do the Poe Dameron thing, and offer him a second chance.   
  
So Ben’s working with the Resistance, under supervision. It surprises Poe when Ben comes to see him, when he’s poring over Snap’s things and debating what to do with them. Snap had a will...  
  
Poe rubs his temples. After seven years, he’s so kriffing tired.   
  
***  
  
Ben watches even as Poe rubs his temples, almost like he’s felt the pressure of the war build up into some sort of headache that’s all too painful, all too real. He knows the feeling, all too well. Knows how tired he occasionally felt, how he felt like he could just turn away...  
  
But he didn’t. And people like Han Solo, Leia Organa...they paid the price for it. Even the names of victims that Ben never knew. That he never took the time to know.   
  
“Are you okay?” Ben finally says.   
  
Poe turns to look at him. Then, “It was my fault. That Snap died. Well, his name was Temmin Wexley, but we called him Snap. It just seemed right...”  
  
“You think it’s your fault?” Ben says.   
  
“Because I wasn’t fast enough,” Poe says. “They just shot him out of the sky.” A sigh. “There’s something about this where...I swear that it’s like everything’s crashing down on me at once. Holdo, for example — if I’d just followed her orders...”  
  
“Aunt Amilyn was an extraordinary woman, but she wasn’t perfect,” Ben says. “She should have at least told you that there was a plan. A good leader inspires confidence in her troops. Or his.” An ironic twist of his mouth. “Not that either one of us were good at that.”  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“They forgive you, you know,” Ben says. He remembers Leia and Amilyn, and how they had said they didn’t hate Poe. Even after what happened. “They know who you are, as I know who you are: a good man. Kind, beautiful, giving other people second chances even when they don’t believe in themselves...”  
  
Poe nods. “I can believe that you believe it.”  
  
“Honestly, Poe, I’d fight anyone who made you feel less than. Including myself.”  
  
“You’re talking about that?” Poe said. “I know you were forced into it. It makes sense too, because you...well, you wouldn’t willingly hurt me.”  
  
It’s more than Ben deserves. It’s more than he deserves when he fears that he has nothing to give, nothing to offer Poe.   
  
Ben reaches down to touch Poe’s face. The scars and abrasions he picked up in custody are gone. They’ve long faded, long healed. Nonetheless, he smooths a thumb near Poe’s temple, where he knows Poe was bloodied. Near his mouth, where he knows he was cut. He kisses those places as well, quiet reassurances.   
  
The scars are on the inside, even if Ben can no longer see them.   
  
“What’s that for, Ben?” Poe is smiling, if faintly.   
  
“You need it,” Ben says.   
  
***  
  
Poe writes the letter to Kare, informing her of Snap’s death. He can feel Ben looming, protectively, over his shoulder, a hand squeezing his shoulder protectively. He writes, talking about how honored he was to serve with Snap, how brave Snap was, how he didn’t suffer...he doesn’t know how much the last one is a lie.   
  
(An explosion in the sky, Snap being immolated almost like Paige was. Poe feeling like he failed everyone, one of his worst fears realized)  
  
He sends it. “She’ll hate me,” Poe says. “I’d say it’s okay for her to hate me...”  
  
He doesn’t expect Ben hugging him, murmuring to him that he doesn’t deserve to be hated. Poe can smell the fresh Resistance uniform that he’s dressed in, crisp and clean, and Ben’s murmuring to him. That it wasn’t his fault. That he’s a good, kind person, and Snap made a choice to fight for freedom and justice.   
  
“When he said ‘my life for yours’, at least in actions if not words...it was his choice.” Ben said.   
  
Poe nods. “I’m just tired,” he says. “And I still have work to do...”  
  
“I’ll help you,” Ben says. “We’ve both lost a lot. In my case, some of it thanks to my own arrogance. Fixing it is only right.”  
  
Poe smiles at him. “Yeah,” he says. “We can fix it. Together.”


End file.
